Firstly, we go back to my first ever spiritual experience in 1992 before my calling. It was now June of 92, just three months after I had parted from my wife. I had only been divorced for a matter of weeks at this point. I was still Shepherding on a farm near Aldershot in the county of Surrey living in a cottage on the farm.
It was then I had a vision of my past life wife
I woke up this June morning of 92 as though there was an intruder in my bedroom. It was my weekend off, so I was having a lie-in. As I woke up, it was light outside, maybe around 8 o’clock in the morning. I saw this woman with really long black hair down to her knees. She was walking away from me down the left-hand side of my double bed.
Then my eyes were forced shut and I was asleep again for what must have been a brief second or two. My eyes opened again to see her standing level with the bottom of my bed on the left-hand-side. She was holding a dress up in front of her. It looked as if she was just about to put it on and it was black with white embroidered flowers on it.
I was very captivated by this woman
However, I was much more focused on her face, as she was amazingly beautiful and had the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. Indeed, she was the most beautiful woman I have ever set my eyes upon. She was naked behind the dress or kimono she was holding up and it was covering her modesty.
She was from the far east in appearance, quite small and slender and her jet-black hair was full and an amazing sight to behold. Then out of the corner of her eye, she suddenly noticed I was looking at her. A look of shock went across her eyes as if she was very surprised that I had seen her. I remember thinking to myself that I had locked the door, so how did she get in my house?
Next, my eyes were forced shut again and again I slept for a few seconds. When my eyes opened once again, she was crouching down trying to hide from me at the bottom of my bed. Wow! She was so very beautiful, absolutely stunningly gorgeous. This time she was looking directly into my eyes. As we both gazed into each other’s eyes, I could see so deeply into her soul. I saw the most loving soulmate looking back at me. I could see clearly that she was full of so much love for me. Then my eyes were forced shut again.
Then came the clairvoyance
My eyes opened once more, and I looked all around, but she had vanished! I was sad as I wanted to know who she was and how she got into my house and I very much wanted her to come back. Then came the clairvoyance in my mind from her. I could see myself as though looking down through my covers asleep at night. She was laying behind me naked spooning me with her body and legs.
I felt the most intense true love I had ever experienced coming from her to me. I had no idea what all this was or how it was happening? Then it came into my mind, that I was not meant to know about her. And that she came to me every night after I was asleep, and left every morning before I woke up. Only this morning I had caught her leaving by surprise.
Then it was over. I did not know what to make of it all. It was lovely, but what was it I had experienced? Was it a waking dream or what? I just could not answer that question. As I said, I did not have the slightest clue that anything spiritual like this could happen. Later in 1995, I was to discover who this beautiful far eastern woman was, and that this had been her introduction to me. To show me how much she loved and cared for me and had always been by my side.
After my shepherding career come to an end
So, as I said in my last blog about my childhood and shepherding, that I was in the end made redundant as a shepherd in the mid-summer of 1993. I had to leave the farmhouse that I lived in because it went with the job. So, I had to move out into a bedsit and it was tiny compared to the farmhouse. The person I was seeing at the time helped me to get a job working on a building site. I did a conscientious job as always, but I did not really enjoy the work as a labourer. I stuck to it for 6 months.
Then in the new year of 1994, I decided to write to two local district councils and Surrey County Council. This was in the hope they might have an opening for a tractor driver. I had a lot of experience while farming driving tractors. That also included verge and hedge cutting, which I knew they did that kind of thing. Three days later I got a call from Guildford Borough Council Grounds Maintenance Department. A man named Mike asked me when I could come for an interview, and I said tomorrow. I met him, and he was impressed and offered me the job and asked when I could start. I said how about Monday? He said, see you then at 8 o’clock.
On my first day of work at the new job, which was about the second week of January 95, I was sent out to work clearing ditches. I was working with a man named Peter and his workmate with one of the other tractor drivers. Peter made me feel very welcome. I loved this new job and often worked with Peter until the tractor driving work started in March.
I was always very fussy about who I wanted to be friends with. Partly because I was an introvert and partly because I was a very conscientious person. So, I only wanted friends who would treat me the same way back, as I would treat them. I found that person in Peter, my first ever true friend. He was such an amazing person, so worldly-wise and many went to him for advice. Peter took me under his wing. We shared many great and very interesting conversations about his life and mine.
My predestined life plan and calling
Then in the autumn of 1994, I made a decision. That although I was already a very good, caring, and conscientious man, that I would like to keep improving and making myself an even better person in my qualities of life and treatment of others. I saw this as being a great asset to my life to be the best version of myself. Although I did not know it at this time, I know now I had a predestined life plan in this lifetime and that many things would soon begin to happen over the coming year.
The calling began
It seemed by the choice I had made to be a better man, that it triggered a calling within me. I did not know it at the time, but it was my own spirit calling me to find it. As time progressed toward Christmas of 94, this calling kept getting stronger and stronger. I wondered if I might have to give up my job and go to some monastery in Tibet or someplace to meditate to find the answer. Luckily not! So, I guess in the back of my mind I knew it might be something spiritual calling me.
Around Christmas time of 94, I was inspired by the person I was seeing. This was because they were the most amazing natural dancer to good club music. It truly inspired me to want to learn to dance that well myself. I did not know how to dance, and I was really awkward and clumsy at first. But, I had made my mind up and began to practice dancing for 30 minutes after work every day. We also went out clubbing twice a week. It was slow progress at first, but soon I started to get very fit and I got progressively much better at dancing over the next three months.
My decision to move on
I had been with my partner for nearly two years at Christmas of 1994, and we had become stuck in a rut. I loved them with all my heart, but knew they would sadly never be my soulmate. Deep down inside, I knew that is what I wanted to find and that was finding my true love and soulmate in life. I never ever asked anyone for advice. But this time I did, I asked Peter, and I told him I was thinking of breaking up with my partner and what was his advice. He said take your time, there is no hurry to come to your decision. I knew he was right and that it was good advice.
Early January 95
Then one night in the first few days of January of 95. I made my decision to break up with the first person I had truly ever loved as a soulmate in my life. This was because they would never truly be mine. Sadly, they had been deeply hurt in the past, that they were not open to fully love and trust anyone. I could not go on like that, not being trusted and openly loved. As I came to this decision, it felt like somebody reached into my heart and yanked it out, as it hurt so much to give them up. So, in this case, it was mind over the heart that made the decision, no matter how much it hurt.
Only I still loved them and would never wish to hurt them. So, I decided to break up with them very slowly, so as not to hurt them and in the hope that we could remain friends. This was because they meant a lot to me and they were a really good and decent person. Over the next few months, I slowly moved us bit by bit further apart. They did not like it, but I got them to become more independent of me and go out more with their friends.
The calling and finding the answer in dancing
By March of 1995, my dancing was becoming amazing. Sometimes the odd person would come up to me in the club and tell me what a great dancer I was, yet, I still had not quite mastered it. Then one night in March I went out to a local club in Guildford on my own. Then a really inspirational song came on. So, there was me hitting the dance floor all on my own with no self-doubt that I was a great dancer. I started dancing and almost immediately knew I was moving perfectly to the music in my body and feet for the first time ever. It had been so very hard to get to this level of achievement. I was dancing to every piece of that music, and it flowed through my whole body like music in motion.
Then the most amazing thing happened. A power of beautiful energy started in my upper belly, and then it started to move downward and upward through my body slowly until I felt like I was lit up like a Christmas tree with beautiful energy flowing all around and within me! I did not know what this was at the time, but it was every chakra in my energy body opening. Then the self my own spirit took control, my higher self you could call it. I am not lying when I say I started to levitate and float across the dance floor. Although I could still feel my feet lightly tapping the dance floor. I seemed weightless and knew right then that I was having a spiritual experience, as there was nothing else it could of been.
I found what was calling me
All this time, I did not know how to find what was calling me, and in the end, it was through dancing that I found it, the proof of my very own spiritual existence. The universe and God really do provide. This experience lasted for three songs. During it, my very own higher-self spoke to me in thought and said! “This is just the beginning of what I can do”. Well, I walked off of that dance floor, knowing I was indeed a spiritual being. And that if I could find this much, there almost certainly must be more to discover. Furthermore, I felt that indeed there must be a God. As well as an afterlife for us all. And that my mother, who I had lost when I was a child, would be there safe and sound.
My story will continue in the next blog, as this was just the beginning of my destiny and spiritual awakening.